Myth:

Alcohol takes away the pain.

Fact:

While alcohol can serve as a quick emotional anesthetic, it eventually exacerbates emotions and disinhibits behavior, rendering it ineffective for issues that require time to heal.  I’ve heard it said, “The only time you should not drink is when you feel you need to drink”. That does not mean you cannot have a drink. It means that drinking will probably not accomplish what you are looking for in the moment. It is about being honest with yourself regarding what you want the alcohol to do for you.

Alcohol and Grief

Alcohol has become synonymous with grief and loss. Society sells alcohol as a relief from tension and an escape from stress, enticing some people to drink to address loneliness or loss. Yet, alcohol leads them down a path of thought, typically ruminating further on their loss and situation. In addition, for some, alcohol encourages behaviors that serve to push away others. They may become rude, disrespectful, entitled, and hostile. Such people are prone to projecting anger at God onto those around them, which eventually pushes them away.  Henceforth, the cure for their loneliness serves to reinforce isolation. Do you notice how people who drink to remove the pain of the loss of a loved one don’t seem to find relief? Ever seen a fight at a funeral or family gathering around a loss? Was alcohol involved in the process?

Anesthesia is not meant for long term pain management

While alcohol can serve as a quick emotional anesthetic, it eventually exacerbates emotions and disinhibits behavior, rendering it ineffective for issues that require time to heal.  Anesthesia is used in the operating room. After the operation or procedure, you are then put on pain medication. You don’t use anesthesia for long-term pain management. Nor can you use alcohol to provide long-term emotional pain relief.

Exacerbates emotions and disinhibits behavior

Alcohol makes the highs feel higher and the lows feel lower. However, many fall into the commercial pitch that it can bring your lows up. Like most anesthetics, the effects wear off quickly, and the desire to prolong them can result in going deeper into the emotion they were trying to escape. Worse yet, the disinhibited behavior can worsen the situation, rendering an emotional response that serves further to justify drinking.  The problem essentially feeds into itself, leaving you with more problems. Therefore, I advise you not to use alcohol for long-term pain relief, as it may worsen your situation.

Celebrating life vs Drowning your sorrows

I’ve gathered with friends and family after the loss of a loved one to “pour out a little liquor”.  Remember, there is a difference between having a drink with friends and family to celebrate the life of a loved one or reminisce on the good times, and drinking to remove the pain associated with loss or drown your sorrow.  Make sure you know the difference and help those who either begin or eventually find themselves doing the latter.

Don’t drink away the opportunity to heal

Seeking to drink away the pain can result in drinking away the opportunity to heal or, at the very least, prolong the process. Abstaining from alcohol when dealing with pain or loss results in more significant growth and profound healing. We develop resilience by tolerating emotional pain, a skill that will serve you as these emotions and situations are unavoidable. In addition, you will be in a better position to help others in their time of need. In times of loss, I encourage you to lean on God for comfort and recognize that comfort is also provided by one another.  According to 2 Corinthians 1: 3 -4 NIV, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble, with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Comfort as opposed to confrontation

Confronting others about their alcohol use during the time of grief and loss does not generally work out well. The emotions can be overwhelming and projection of one’s anger at God can easily be misdirected to anyone within arm’s reach. I find it more helpful to attempt to provide comfort. Take them away from the alcohol, give them a non-alcoholic beverage, a hug, and have a true, heartfelt conversation. Lean on one another in times of loneliness or grief, rather than leaning on the bottle.